Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Graphic, Do Not Read if you're Squeamish!

OK, so now you really want to read it right? Well, don't. It contains graphic virtual images of bodily functions......that's called writing and imagination for you Internet video media whores. Yes, your mind's eye.

So I have had a very, very shitty day. It started out innocuously enough with a trip to the Holiday Inn Express gym (quite a nice gym actually), a conference call and back to the customer's site in San Jose. Somewhere along the line it got bad, then worse. My server was working perfectly yesterday but as the day progressed it moved from one or two minor problems to 4 or 5 major issues and one server refusing to come up. Nice, eh. Lunch was going to be a good break. We ate in the Santa Clara County cafeteria and today was Thai day. The food looked pretty good, sweet and sour chicken. It was fairly tasty. By the end of the day my tech and I were both running to the bathroom every other minute.

Ok, here comes the graphic part. You ever have to go to the bathroom so bad that you have to walk funny into the room? You are squeezing your cheeks tightly so nothing leaks out. And you duck walk into the bathroom with the hope that no one is there. Wrong. There is someone in there and as if it couldn't get worse, it just did. She is brushing her teeth. So I go into the furthest stall in the grand hopes of masking the volcano that is coming. And I'm sitting there, holding on, hoping she will leave. She doesn't. I hear the horrible sound of dental floss being pulled from the package. OMG. What am I going to do? Ah, of course, the old flush and go trick. Just as I'm ready to do it the door to the stall rattles and I see feet. What? Are you kidding? There are 10 empty stalls in this bathroom and you pick mine? At this point there is no controlling the whole fiasco. I continuously pull toilet paper on the squeakiest roller in the building and just try to get the hell out of there. As I exit the stall to wash up there is the flosser. Still flossing. I silently tell her to go floss somewhere else and escape as quickly as possible.

Tonight, I thought, wow, what a crap ass day both figuratively and literally, I think I'll go out and have a glass of wine and a nice meal. I went to this Italian joint that the hotel recommended, Vito's. I had to wait longer than other patrons who came in after me and to top it all off the Chicken Piccata sucked. Piccatta sauce has lemon, capers and white wine, not CREAM. Idiots. And, the chicken was tough and not all that thin. Picatta chicken needs to be thin!!

So that was my day....I hope you enjoyed it as much as I didn't. If I made you laugh, I'm happy. Misery loves company and we might as well be laughing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that, bought the freaken t-shirt. MANY times. You know what else can cause that? See your post below. Yep...PMS. It's not always the food.

Thanks for the nasty Monday chuckles. I needed them.