Monday, April 03, 2006

Security Bypass

When you are a frequent flier in this sort of airport/airline climate, flying is just a pain in the ass. At most terminals in most airports now, there are Frequent Flier bypass lanes. These will be appropriately named depending on the airline -- Premier, Gold, Platinum, Elite, or what have you. These lanes are for people like me, who travel a lot. Don't give me dirty looks because you're standing in a disney like switchback line of about 200 people when I walk right past you. I don't deserve that look. I travel all the time. When I walk up to the TSA security checkpoint, I know what I'm doing. I can whip out my laptop, take off my jacket and shoes in the span of about 10 seconds with my boarding pass in my teeth and my other hand throwing the bag up on the belt.

I've done it for what seems like a million times. You haven't. It takes you forever. You forget that you have to take the DVD player out. You forget you have change in your pocket. You forget...... cause you don't do this every week. I deserve the bypass lane. You are too slow to have a bypass lane, that's why your lane is so long! So instead of giving me a dirty look as I whip by you with my rollaboard, give me a knowing look of pity because now you know that I have to put up with this bullshit all the time and you don't. Think of how lucky you are standing in that long line because having bypass status means you spend too much time on airplanes, in airports and away from the people you love.

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