Thursday, November 10, 2011

Day Before Surgery

This was a busy, busy day.  My surgeon, being a Canuck himself, was very sympathetic to my plight that my immigration interview for citizenship at UCSIS in downtown LA was on October 18th, so he kindly scheduled my surgery for the 19th.  Apparently, completely escaping his memory and much to my dismay, the pre-op instructions required a clear liquid only fast starting 24 hours before surgery with nothing by mouth after midnight.  Also required was a laxative and an enema.  My first thought was of how functional was my brain going to be at the 2:00 pm interview?  My second thought was regarding my patience.  With a lack of food I tend to be on quite a short fuse so I was a little nervous for the health and safety of the interviewing officer.

Dena and my Mom made Jello and made me "eat" every 2 hours or so.  I actually felt pretty good going in to the federal building but as my wait time extended past an hour my energy began to wane.  Finally, I was called - I was asked five questions, here's a sampling:

  1. How many US Senators are there?
  2. What ocean borders the East coast of the United States?
  3. Name one state bordering Canada.
  4. What year was the US Constitution written in?  (1787....that's a trick question)

I cannot remember the 5th question but I got all 5 correct (you would hope so!) and the interview moved on.  At the end I received a check box on my application that I was recommended for citizenship.  Now, we wait, again - approximately 30 to 60 days for the final verdict and hopefully the swearing in date.

Now, back to the enema.  I hate to even comment on this but I'm sure you're all wondering why an enema would be required.  When they are working "down there" they want you clean of "debris" so that in case they nick something there will be no contamination.  That fact alone makes you stick strictly to your clear liquid diet let me tell you.  And have you ever tried giving yourself an enema?  I hadn't even ever bought an enema at the drug store!  There was no way in hell I was going to have my mother help me as I'm an adult's been a long time since she looked at my behind, especially that personally.  And there was no way I was going to ask Dena to give it to me.  I mean we are married but let's face it, the romance really goes out of a relationship when you venture into this territory!  I don't want any bodily function cleanup coming until we're well into our 80's or 90's.

So, with that said, I studied the instructions and pictures on the box and laid some towels on the floor of the bathroom and twisted and contorted myself to try to make it happen.  Finally, I did get it in but I had forgotten to take the cardboard stopper off the bottle so nothing came out, so I had to uncork it and try again.  By the end of all this frustrating ridiculousness I was exhausted.  I decided that I'd just risk it.....and hopefully the laxative would do the job.


Anonymous said...

A line that will live in infamy . . .

"Now, back to the enema."

Anonymous said...

Which way did you read: "I had to uncork it". LOL