Wednesday, July 23, 2008

To "I do" or not to "I do" that is the question

In a previous post I talked about the recent California Supreme Court ruling to allow gay marriage in California. If you missed that one and would like to catch up, here it is. But now what do we do? We've never had the freedom to choose before. As a gay couple living in a committed relationship for over 17 years we've never had an option to get married. Oh, sure, we could have had a committment ceremony but we figured, if it wasn't legal then what was the point. We knew we were committed, sometimes to a looney bin, but always committed in one way or another. After all, 17 years for any couple has it's bumps in the road.

Heterosexual couples have a straight (pun intended) linear path to follow as their relationship develops. That path involves courting, dating, going steady, the proposal, a term of engagement and finally - marriage. The final step. This final step requires a melding of names, families and finances. For us gay people that are in a relationship we've been stuck somewhere between the last two steps. The families are pretty much melded, what's the point of melding names, and our finances are sort of combined. Now, we can go that final half step.

Think about it. All you straight people out there.....just take a moment to think.......if you legally couldn't get married and were together with your partner for a long time and then one day someone said, oh you can now.....what would you do?

The question begs......should we or shouldn't we? And if so, why?

Your thoughtful comments are always welcome.


Anonymous said...

So I've actually thought about this for a while. I guess there will always be pros and cons to this. For me though, some of the reasons (besides the obvious legal *title* for you and Dena) would be that you two would be pioneers in gay marriage. Think of how awesome that is Dawn. Some day, hopefully your nieces or your kids (if you guys ever decide to have any) may grow up in a society where this will never be a question. Hopefully, some day issues like this will be way behind us and your descendants will be able to say "oh yeah, I had an aunt (or whatever) that was one of the first gay people ever married." That sounds pretty cool to me and a heckuva good reason to get this party started.

One of the things that has always stuck out in my mind as just reprehensible is when gay partners aren't allowed to be with their loved one at a critical time (such as when they are dying) because they aren't married. If something should ever happen with you and Dena, that should never be a question. Maybe it isn't now? I don't know, but that has always stuck out in MY mind. I must have seen it in a movie somewhere.

*Marriage,* I think, is a constant celebration of two people who are legally bound to the idea of commitment. You and Dena do that now really, but it isn't *legal.* Does it really matter? Probably not. But the fact that it *could* matter somewhere, and the fact that you two CAN be *legal* makes me want to push both of you into wedded bliss.

Then there's the party involved...the food, the drink. ::eyebrow waggle:: I know we kid you about the expensive of a wedding, but it doesn't have to be expensive. YOU and DENA, who are two of the most creative people EVER, can certainly come up with some good ideas for a lovely wedding right???

You and Dena will always be. So why NOT make it legal in not just your eyes, but in everyone's eyes, even some midwestern Bible-belter. Yanno???

I love you guys married or not and I missed you the other night and I am so looking forward to be able to sit down and yak with yer cute lil' self. So you know what to do.

Kelly L.

Anonymous said...

Togetherness is most important and you and Dena have that down pat. It would be hard for me-commitment phobic as I am-to tell you what to do. Very glad you have the opportunity to now get married "legally" and you should know by now I'm very supportive of whatever you do and more than happy to "party"!!
Agree with Kelly that it has been hard, in the past, for partners (even men and women not married) to be together during a health crisis. Though I believe living in L.A. probably makes that situation easier now. Plus society is more accepting. I certainly would not have imagined we would have a black man and woman running for president this sooon--maybe in 10 yrs.
One of my fears has been that a "piece of paper" would change the relationship (phobia).
Again, it is great you live in a state where marriage is possible and only hope other states (like Massachusetts) will see the light soon. Love, Irma